“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
For years I’ve written, and people would ask me, over and over, WHY don’t I share my work?
You see, when I was between the ages of 13-18 in the middle of being bullied by people, I began to believe them. I would write in a journal, which soon became a secret blog. I have kept my past as my “past,” until recently; I was victimized once again, but as an adult this time. I felt helpless, hopeless, and enraged. Yet, we still don’t tend to talk at length as adults about a very common problem.
Kids get bullied; the “weak” get bullied. Adults presumably are neither targeted nor affected by bullies. However, the reverse is true. Adult bullies, whether in work or within social situations, will target very specific individuals.
For those bullied by their so called, “friends” there is no Human Resources department to whom you can turn to.
Social exclusion and isolation are very powerful weapons in a bullies court. They will wield these brilliantly once a target has been identified and enablers are present. Enablers are NOT bullies themselves, but sheep who will turn a blind eye through silence or fear of their own social exclusion.
This is where phone calls/texts don’t get returned. Group activities get arranged without your invitation. During the times when the rest of the group meets, you are belittled, branded delusional and laughed at. You can challenge it, you can complain about it, but it’s ultimately pointless. As wrong and as devastating as this sort of behavior is by the BULLY or the SHEEP, there is nothing you can do but withdraw.
So today, I decided to talk about being bullied. I thought you bullies have a lot to call me, well, I’m the best damn *enter expletive/word of your choice here* you will ever meet!
The thing is, I’m not a what you bullies portray me to be. I never was.
I am just Nida.
I am someone who WAS a victim, and someone who found the strength to fight back. I am someone who believed that I was worthless and fought hard to realize that I wasn’t.
So now it’s time for a change. Change is scary. Change is good. I want to share more of myself than just my bullying stories. I AM more than my bullying stories.
I’m a good writer. I like music. I love concerts. I like fashion. I’m a wife. I’m a sister. I’m a daughter. I like making friends and I really like helping others to know that they are pretty terrific, too.
So, I have decided, I am no longer allowing bullies to control my life.
I am just Nida.
And that is pretty perfect for me.